Everything is Derivative

The last Harry Potter film just came out. I saw it. It made me want to re-read the book, so I did. That made me want to learn more about the Harry Potter phenomenon, so I read the Wikipedia entry. That led me to the Literary Criticism section of the wiki, which pointed out that Harry Potter is considered by many critics to be derivative. While I'm sure that's true, I could not personally think of anything that the Harry Potter story seemed to be directly copying, other than a traditional hero quest, which is, let's face it, all over the damn place.

When I think of "derivative", I think of Eragon, a story that seems to be the result of a three-way between Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and The Dragonriders of Pern. When I think of "derivative", I think of City of Bones, which is like an alterna-version of Harry Potter. As I read City of Bones, I found so many similarities between it and Harry Potter that I actually started keeping a list. Here is that list:

Main Character Name

HP: Harry (male)

CoB: Clary (female)

Book Summary

HP:  Harry comes of age as he discovers that he is part of a magical hidden world, and that he himself has powers.

CoB:  Clary comes of age as she discovers that she is part of a magical hidden world, and that she herself has powers.

Main Character Has a Special Mark

HP:  Harry's scar on his forehead

CoB:  Clary's rune that Jace draws on her forearm

Main Character's Parents/Guardians

HP:  Harry's Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon, who knew about the magical world but kept it a secret (as did family friend Mrs. Figg)

CoB: Clary's mom Jocelyn, who knew about the magical world but kept it a secret (as did family friend Luke)

Non-magical People Are Called

HP:  Muggles

CoB: Mundanes

Early Introduction to the Magical World Involves

HP:  Traveling to a magical educational location (Hogwarts), which is hidden from Muggles with spells. 

CoB: Traveling to a magical educational location (The Institute), which is hidden from Mundanes with spells.

Authority Figure at Educational Location

HP:  Elderly Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts, who has an intelligent pet Phoenix

CoB: Elderly Hodge, Tutor at The Institute, who has an intelligent pet Blackbird

Main Character Discovers Parent's Fame

HP:  Harry discovers that his parents (Lily and James, both dead) are famous in the magical world

CoB: Clary discovers that her parents (Jocelyn and Valentine, presumed dead) are famous in the magical world

Evil Figure in Power 12-15 Years Ago

HP:  Voldemort, presumed to be dead but now there are signs that may indicate otherwise

CoB: Valentine, presumed to be dead but now there are signs that may indicate otherwise

Goals of Evil Figure

HP:  Voldemort: Wants Wizard bloodlines kept pure and for Wizards to rule over Muggles and other magic beings

CoB: Valentine: Believes that Downworlders are inferior and should be exterminated

Evil Figure Seeks This Object to Secure Power

HP:  The Philosopher's Stone

CoB: The Cup

And I'm sure there are more similarities that I haven't thought of yet. 

I Really Wish That...Predictive texting would be smarter

Because, phone, which word am I more likely to be spelling?
"Nerd" or "Mesdames"?
Clearly you don't know.
Why do you keep suggesting "ichthyologist"?
I guarantee that word does not have a place in my conversation.
The worst is that "me" replaces "of", "good" replaces "home", "am" replaces "an", and by the time I'm done typing I've come to the conclusion that I must have somehow become drunk, because what the hell did I type?
Someday, we'll all have implants that instantly send messages...
to each others brains! Oooh EEEEh OOOOH

I Really Wish That...that the GREs weren't necessary

Because, really, they're kind of insulting to undergraduate programs everywhere. The fact that the GREs exist and that most grad school hopefuls have to take them prior to applying is a slap in the face. It's saying "You may have a college degree, but we're willing to bet that you weren't taught a whole lot. In fact, you're probably so ignorant that you shouldn't be admitted to graduate school. Yet."
Well, GRE's, you're right. I WASN'T taught a whole lot....about HIGHER MATH. That's because I studied film, art history, art, and literature, and would like to continue in that same math-free path.
I'm willing to bet that pretty much no one would do well on the GREs if they took them right after graduating with a bachelor's degree. They might do great in one section, but that's it. That's why they have study books: to teach you what you apparently should have learned over the last four years.
I will grudgingly admit, however, that studying for the GREs is exposing me to new vocabulary, which I can and will use for the rest of my life.
Rant is now over.

I Really Wish That...cleaning product commercials had more men

Because this is not the 1950's and men do housework too now. No, not all men everywhere, but a lot. Enough that commercials for detergent, swiffers, dishsoap, etc. should man up and showcase the hairier sex more often. Commercials that show both sexes are making progress, but I just saw one for paper towels that shows the silly, incompetent man making a silly mess with his coffee maker, and his smooth, all-knowing wife reaching for paper towels to clean up the mess. Because a man couldn't possibly know how to clean it up on his own! (Ruffles the hair of men everywhere.) Poor guys!

I Really Wish That...great TV shows weren't cancelled

Because my heart is still broken that Firefly, Pushing Daisies, and Arrested Development didn't make it. Especially Firefly. It was so good and had the potential to be one of the greatest sci-fi series ever...in fact, it still kind of is even though only part of a single season even exists. That's how good it was!
This is what I call a "regretfully missed board meeting": where I'm so sorry I wasn't at that meeting where they made the decision to cancel, so that there could be at least one person who could raise their hand and say "Whoa, guys, WHOA. This show is great, what are you thinking?"
You know?
I also have regretfully-missed-board-meeting-feelings about the third Spiderman film. Why wasn't I there to raise my hand and say "Whoa, guys, WHOA. Even the Batman movies struggle sometimes with two main villains. Three is just too much to put in a superhero film."
You know?
The only show that has recently been done justice is 30 Rock. And if Stargate Universe actually makes it, maybe part of my faith in the survival of good shows will be redeemed. Maybe.

I Really Wish That ...people would give atheism a chance

Because seriously, nonbelieveing doesn't mean you're not moral. Atheists are some of the most moral people I know! There's something to be said for being good because it's right, and not because there's an ultimate celestial reward for doing so. So don't be scared of Atheists.

Bad Idea: Happy Couples

Saturday was one of those days, the kind you think only exist in movies, where no matter where you go, people are in love. Everywhere you look, couples holding hands, kissing, touching, frollicking through fields of daisies, saying "Tra-la-la." Naturally, you notice all this because you are not in love.

Saturday was the day that found me on a bus headed to Darien Lake amusement park with 50 high school students. As you may or may not know, amusement parks are prime, succulent ground for people-watching. And boy, did I watch people all day, which is how I saw all these people in love; unfortunately for me, though, it was only because I was stuck for hours with them in line for rides. In front of me, behind me, on either side, and actually above and below me if you count the people on the roller coasters. Everywhere. Couples with matching tattoos, heavy middle-aged couples, old people couples with floppy cloth hats, angry couples, couples with 5+ babies, couples who couldn't keep their hands off each-other (and OH how I wished they would), ugly couples, cute couples, severely mismatched couples, middle-school couples, redneck couples, extremely thin couples, and so on. All looking stupidly happy. All of them.

I've seen this happen, but to a lesser scale. For example, you're walking across campus and see a pair holding hands and you think "Ugh" and move on, but for the love of all that is holy, Darien Lake was crawling with 'em.

Well, all you happy couples, I'll make a deal with you: You leave me alone, and I won't get up off of this rocking chair on m'front porch and shake my shotgun atcha! Take your happiness and your...joyness...and don't you come back until I can stand to be around you! Which will probs be never.

And GIT OFFA THE GRASS! [dentures fall out in excitement]

50 million happy couples surrounding you while you wrestle your gag reflex: Bad idea.