Everything is Derivative

The last Harry Potter film just came out. I saw it. It made me want to re-read the book, so I did. That made me want to learn more about the Harry Potter phenomenon, so I read the Wikipedia entry. That led me to the Literary Criticism section of the wiki, which pointed out that Harry Potter is considered by many critics to be derivative. While I'm sure that's true, I could not personally think of anything that the Harry Potter story seemed to be directly copying, other than a traditional hero quest, which is, let's face it, all over the damn place.

When I think of "derivative", I think of Eragon, a story that seems to be the result of a three-way between Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and The Dragonriders of Pern. When I think of "derivative", I think of City of Bones, which is like an alterna-version of Harry Potter. As I read City of Bones, I found so many similarities between it and Harry Potter that I actually started keeping a list. Here is that list:

Main Character Name

HP: Harry (male)

CoB: Clary (female)

Book Summary

HP:  Harry comes of age as he discovers that he is part of a magical hidden world, and that he himself has powers.

CoB:  Clary comes of age as she discovers that she is part of a magical hidden world, and that she herself has powers.

Main Character Has a Special Mark

HP:  Harry's scar on his forehead

CoB:  Clary's rune that Jace draws on her forearm

Main Character's Parents/Guardians

HP:  Harry's Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon, who knew about the magical world but kept it a secret (as did family friend Mrs. Figg)

CoB: Clary's mom Jocelyn, who knew about the magical world but kept it a secret (as did family friend Luke)

Non-magical People Are Called

HP:  Muggles

CoB: Mundanes

Early Introduction to the Magical World Involves

HP:  Traveling to a magical educational location (Hogwarts), which is hidden from Muggles with spells. 

CoB: Traveling to a magical educational location (The Institute), which is hidden from Mundanes with spells.

Authority Figure at Educational Location

HP:  Elderly Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts, who has an intelligent pet Phoenix

CoB: Elderly Hodge, Tutor at The Institute, who has an intelligent pet Blackbird

Main Character Discovers Parent's Fame

HP:  Harry discovers that his parents (Lily and James, both dead) are famous in the magical world

CoB: Clary discovers that her parents (Jocelyn and Valentine, presumed dead) are famous in the magical world

Evil Figure in Power 12-15 Years Ago

HP:  Voldemort, presumed to be dead but now there are signs that may indicate otherwise

CoB: Valentine, presumed to be dead but now there are signs that may indicate otherwise

Goals of Evil Figure

HP:  Voldemort: Wants Wizard bloodlines kept pure and for Wizards to rule over Muggles and other magic beings

CoB: Valentine: Believes that Downworlders are inferior and should be exterminated

Evil Figure Seeks This Object to Secure Power

HP:  The Philosopher's Stone

CoB: The Cup

And I'm sure there are more similarities that I haven't thought of yet. 

Early Sign of the Inevitable Robot Uprising

Ancient Greeks Are The New Vampire

Because they are just soooo cool!
So yesterday I was looking at this website or whatever. It has trailers for upcoming movies. One of them was entitled Immortals. Hmmm, I thought to myself. Better check it out, just in case Hollywood accidentally churned out something good.



Why, it seems to be a version of the story of Theseus. Now, if I remember correctly, Theseus was involved in some shady biz with minotaurs and labyrinths n' stuff, but I guess in this movie he's fighting Titans. Ok. I mean, it's all fictional anyway. But what's this? The film's title is tagged by the line "from the Producers of 300".  Lest we forget the scantily-clad extravaganza that was 300:


(still one of my all-time favorite trailers)

And only last year was America gifted with Liam Neeson bellowing "Release the Kraken!!!" in Clash of the Titans:



But then I started remembering other Ancient Greek films,  Troy and Alexander being two recent additions:





Even Ancient Romans and Norse are getting some significant screentime, like in The Eagle, Spartacus: Blood and Sand, and Thor:







I even have the feeling that there's been so many Ancient-Greek/Roman-themed productions lately that I'm forgetting some. Hmmm. Well, there's one last one that I'm not forgetting. Twilight played its part in the Vampire craze, and I'm sure that The Lightning Thief has played its part for the Ancient Greek trend (although it's focused on Greek Gods, not Ancient Greece, but still). I read the book, and I wasn't impressed, but clearly tons of kids are, because the books are selling very well, and I've noted these same kids going nuts for nonfiction books on Ancient Greece.



Last but not least: there's always more on the way.

A Graph to Explain this Phenomenon

I made this venn diagram. Yes, that's right, you heard me.  I MADE this. It's important that I be able to properly explain where my cat sleeps so that I can properly explain why it's a problem. 

Circle one: There are a number of places my cat could sleep. In his kitty bed, for instance. In the sink. On the top shelf of the bookshelf. Dining chairs. The floor. The sofa. My forehead.

Circle two: There are a number of places, where, when an object is placed in that location, results in my not being able to move.

Where they overlap: There are all these places for my cat to choose from. Some of these places hinder my movement. My cat - somehow - chooses ONLY places to sleep that hinder my movement.

For example:

• Directly on top of my chest as I am laying on my back. Yeah, I can move my legs, but where do my legs think they're going without my torso?
• Directly on my forehead as I am laying on my back. Sometimes across my face, which leads me, like Matthew Inman, to suspect intention of murder. 
• Directly behind my legs if I'm sleeping on my side. This allows me to only move forward. Into the wall. 
• Directly in the triangle created by my one raised leg if I'm sleeping in the flamingo position. In order to move, I have to struggle my way up the bed, shimmy my leg under the covers but around the cat, get both legs on the same side, and scoot out from under the covers.

My life is so hard. The hardest. I mean, seriously, how can I cope with this? Look at what I'm dealing with:

Yeah. Exactly.

Humor and Size

I was at work today, at the bookstore. My friend Andie told me that I had to read this book called "Thirteen Reasons Why". The premise of the book is pretty sad, so I won't go into it, because I'm writing about humor, not sadness, I mean come on.
Anyway, there's a character named Hannah, and she's talking about a dream she had where she has oversize feet and someone else has really tiny, almost nonexistent feet. Obviously I was picturing this in my mind, and was, in turn, amused, and then horrified.
Big feet? Hilarious! Why are those feet so big? Ha! They are so unwieldy!
But small feet...oh...why are they so...oh, oh dear god, where are your feet? OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN WHERE ARE YOUR FEET?
See? Two totally different reactions.
So this made me start thinking about humor in relation to sizes of body parts. I am not trying to be dirty, let me just stress that right now.
Oversize body parts are funny!
Oversize heads! Look at them! They look like butts from behind!

Oversized noses! Always getting into trouble!

Oversize eyes? We got those too! They are the cutest!

Oversize hands? Oh, it's just too good when someone's hands are too big:

Classic big hands here.
Oversize everything:


But...
When body parts are too small, they are creepy, like Denise's hands here:


And as for Voldemort, I have just one question: where, oh where, is your nose?
Movie Videos & Movie Scenes at MOVIECLIPS.com



And now, for some significant exceptions!

Lady Gaga's eyes are huge in parts of this music video, but the result inspires nightmares rather than hilarity:


And this poor T-Rex has a big head, and little arms- the curse of all T-Rexes. But it's hilarious, not creepy!



You're welcome, world.

Valley of the Uncanny Robots!

This company sells realistic masks modeled after your face. So you can finally see what you look like? (read post here)

Which totally reminds me of that one scene in Mission Impossible 2. You know what I mean!

Next we have a robot singer/dancer. Strangely enough, the weirdest part of this video was when I realized that the back-up dancers are NOT robots. Oops.



Last, but oh god not least, is a glimpse of what will soon be replacing meat puppets:

Strange Encounters

I've had the weirdest encounters lately. Here are a few:

1. The Somalian Cabbie.
It was late. I was tired. I was in downtown Boston and my car was in Brighton. I tried hailing a cab, feeling like a hooker. The most modestly dressed hooker in the world. No cabs stopped. (Maybe my pants weren't short enough?)
Then there was no traffic at all and I started panicking.
After a few minutes, a cab stopped at the light near me. The driver flicked the lights. I nodded, slowly, so that if he was asking if I needed a cab then it would look like I was saying yes, and if the lights had nothing to do with me, then hey, why can't I nod my head? Maybe I'm stretching it, you know?
The lights were for me. I got in the cab and started a conversation with the driver. We talked about Boston. I talked about Pennsylvania and the woods and farms there. He talked about Somalia and the warm Indian Ocean, and his boat and wife. And how he met U2 while in Africa. And became buddies with Bono. And went to their show. And also met Sean Penn.

2. The Man in the Subway.
He looked totally normal. Until he leaned over to me and said either "Me too," or "I need you". I walked even faster than I already was.

3. The Bum on the Street.
"Hey-hey-hey!" he called as Rob and I walked by. "What a good-looking couple!". Rob looked around, mock-confused.

4. The Woman on the Plane.
I let her know that I needed to get to my seat on the inside. She begrudgingly let me know that some of the seats toward the front probably wouldn't fill up. I told her that I'd check it out. By that, I guess I really meant that I'd fall asleep and then jerk awake and hit her a little with my elbow, probably annoying her even more. She could have moved to the front at any point, but didn't. It's probably because I smell so good.

5. The Socially Unaware Guy on the Bus
"Movin' through!" he called as he worked his way into the bus. "You don't all gotta stand there, packed like sardines. Man." There was plenty of space in the front of the bus, but he felt the need to go through the entire crowd, sit down somewhere in the back, and start singing to himself in an off-key kind of way.

I've also picked up the habit of yelling at cars when they honk egregiously, which, in Boston, is kind of a lot. I will be standing on a corner watching traffic, and one car will honk like another car tried to kill him, even though I was watching and nothing actually happened. Usually at that point I will yell "THAT WAS UNNECESSARY." It sounds funny now, but someday I'm going to yell that, and the angry car will be stopped at a light and hear me, and whoever is in there might honk at ME then, or even chase me. That's when I plan to say "WhoopWhoopWhoopWhoop!" a la the Three Stooges and get outta there.